Crying!feel something burn in my heart!..i dont know what but thought i need someone to protect me. I just realize that i need it...again, him,..dancing in my mind yg...but im trying hard kick it out,man....

You,AGAIN today...

God...he's dancing on my mind and playing tennis in my heart!!!!!!!! His fulled beard face seduces my eyes,he seems soooooooooooo sexy hahahahha....... (really???????)..Stop him God unless he's as my own to be with given by You....Im sick and tired of having this sense every single minutes for would be prepare a huge bowl for my next tears..hik..hik..hik..

(21.29 wib yg)

hope,wish and dream

ssstttt,,,waited time i passed well,gorgeous! unexpected moment happened,hahaha...waited time, gorgeous and unexpected moment!! tht three words made me fly n SHY..i should be catagorized as good listener n good speaker,ahhaaaaa...but for this case, i swear for God that i would keep in an unknown room of heart. yup! you are right, it talks about heart, feeling and sense of loving hahahhaha..loving?! again?! how many times a week i did fall in love?! Uncounted! but..its not just like really fly of having ths feeling.Im talking about a lady who dreams right shoulder to lean on as wished to have a good man who can lead me well in Islam way.That's it, not more! and he was i guess..Just guess,dear.Im not hoping much for ths fool and stupid shadows, sounds fucking imposible to have him hahah...I know there's no word imposible for The One who made ths world, but thought he deserved to get 100% better than me, it should be a single beautiful lady for him and....its not me!

Listen, my deep heart is denying what i commented above,but my mind was reallllllyyyyy brave to make unlimited dream to have wings in picking him up.By what?! by wings?! what wings,dian?! what u have to pick him up?! thought my mind had broad jump.it doesnt make sense,baby...

The brunt of lonely life is having that fucking feelings. What should happen to have this? I even started to kill mine as i ever feel badly scarred for being disappointed. I know i might be not blame myself as the main subject here.the only action i should built was being goooooddd patient of God to wait our turn. yes, im a God's patient who needs major help in managing my heart and my life!

hehehee..

now, back to the case at the first paragraph..., i dooooo admire him for a sexy beard i guess hahahahha..sssttttt...(dont ever tell him), he would love to kick my ass by his light shoes hahahahhaha...dear, I cant stop laughing now..kwwaakakakakak..but it's tottally true that what makes my heart beating was his great perfomance and i found it growing nicely when he's good in religion i guess..

God, I know im not good as Your human but if i can ask more, would you give me a tough shoulder who can hug me as unperfect woman, hope the man you choose for me is a tough one who can be my leader for your hereafter.do hope he would be so kindly to help me in responsible my whole life..(Insyaallah) Amen,amen,amen.....

(19;21 wib..your secret admire)

For: My Micle

keep staying here...

in the name of heart
in the name of hugging
in the name of kissing
in the name of night
in the name of loneliness
in the name of empty
in the name of losing
in the name of missing
in the name of affection
in the name of ME, please keep staying here...

tetap...
dia masih mengenyam dalam hatiku
walau tak hinggap di kepala...

sepi...
dia masih melekat dalam bayangku
walau tak kupeluk bayang itu...

pedih...
dia masih menyambangi dalam mimpiku
walau tak kucatat dalam bari...

luka...
dia masih menyekat ruang hatiku
walau tak hirau rasa rindu...

sepi...
pedih...
luka...

mengenang rasa yang pernah ada,
demi menutup luka menganga,
dalam sepi merangka..

(for u..hold my heart like u ever did, Pearl International Malaysia..)

palembang,23.30 wib

keep missing him

the feeling i never expected before!... it really keeps staying in my heart . I have started to let it grow with great seed .Then watering it by saying love, again..love!. but whenever it keeps growing, i can't catch my mind when it said that,"how could you in love with 9 years different younger than you!"..ooh..love makes me fuking blind so far?!..I grapple with deep heart and true mind..

listen amro..
i am not good pretender who can keep this feeling well, really..and im so suffering to let you dance on my mind.Your shadows embolden me to fight again, with fucking love i never expected before. If i represent you as a green emerald, of course it sounds too over. you are not! but you are just like emery cloth that enlight a dingy ring..just like emery cloth, amro (but it is so precious thing) for a dingy ring like me!!..

listen amro..
No words can express my feeling when i got no news from you. Allah and I know much hows your moving break the speed of heart and how i feel empty.Even the tears said "no comment" for my loneliness..see,how much i can keep this all?!

look amro..
room of my heart is not enough to keep what i have grown to you..if it's must be melted now, just let it....Let the time kill the seed love i have ever spread to you cause im not able to do so now..

I do miss you now,amro..even you will be not real in my life.
"Just 9 years!"


to.Amro (01.06 am wib)

kangen!!

malam...

kelam mu menabrak wajahku lagi
tersirat dan tak jelas
hampa..tidak
sepi..pun tidak
hanya ada sesuatu yang merenggut suka ku

tak terucap
pada bintang
pun pada isi dunia

hanya detak nadi berbicara pada menit nafas
bahwa kelam mu begitu menyiksa ku

karena...

sepanjang kelam mu..
aku menanti nya...

(my room,00:22 wib)
to. amro

miss him, much!

seems so imposible to be in love
the moon is laughing to see my tear drops
the sun is welcoming me by mock
then......
I keep waiting without any hope!!

(my room,23:54 wib)